My Real Life

I have discovered the meaning of love, and it is "Speed Racer" in Blu-Ray.

Next on my list of insanely pedantic meditations on "Speed Racer" ...

... apparently the Mach 5 can race cross-country at about 4000 miles per hour.

Because when the Casa Cristo race begins (at sunrise), Spritle is watching it live in the morning back at Chez Racer. Pops busts him out and makes him go outside to get some sun. Then, only a few hours later, Pops steps out to get some parts, saying, "I'll be back before lunch," CLEARLY indicating that it is still morning. Yet when Spritle sneaks back into the house to catch the race, the first day is already winding down as the team slices through the aqueducts of Sassicaia, and thence to Cortega, under the setting sun.

I'm not saying that the Mach 5 couldn't cover 12 time zones in 3 hours. It is, after all, The Fabulous Mach 5 ...

Like who wouldn't be?!?

Nobody can figure out when Rex actually "died."

During the opening race at Thunderhead, Old Guy Announcer starts yapping about "that night 8 years ago" when Rex Racer set the course record. Then Long-Hair Brit Guy Announcer yammers about Rex taking orders from the criminal underworld for five years before the Casa Cristo tragedy, which would mean that Rex died at most three years ago. BUTBUTBUT, when Inspector Detector (woof!) appears at the Racer house after the race at Fuji, Pops says that he hasn't seen him for 10 years, which must have been when I.D. was conducting the investigation into Rex's death.

So, did Rex die three years ago, or ten? And if it was ten, how did Rex set the course record at Thunderhead after having been dead for two years?

And for you quickwits who point out that I.D. may have been investigating something OTHER than Rex's death 10 years prior, I must point out that at Casa Cristo, Speed tells Trixie that "Inspector Detector suspected foul play" in Rex's death, so he must have been involved in the investigation (unless Inspector Detector grants phone interviews reference controversies in which he has no personal involvement, like those doctors and therapists that speak to the Enquirer about Oprah's weight and Heather Locklear's emotional state even though they've never treated them).

Clearly I need "Mugglenet" for Speed Racer. Where is it? Where?

"Speed Racer" came out on DVD a couple weeks ago, and I've been watching it at least once a day, every day since. Insufferably geeky but that's me. I know the moviegoing public hated it but I love Speed, have ALWAYS loved Speed ever since elementary school, and the movie adaptation just thrills the living shit out of me.

Naturally, having watched it daily for 14 days, I have discovered inconsistencies and discrepancies, with which documentation I shall clutter this blog beginning now!

Young Speed is right-handed; adult Speed is left-handed.

Little Speedy uses his right hand to fill out his test form in the classroom scene. Big Speed is never shown writing; HOWEVER, he shoots left-handed in the mountain pass scene (WOOF!), and every time he throws a punch (mountain pass scene AND hotel ninja scene) he leads with a strong left, but his right is short and tentative. And finally, when Chim-chim tosses his the gun during the mountain pass scene, he snatches it out of the air with his left hand and in a single fluid motion, pistol whips the baddie man with it still in his left hand.

As God is my witness, I never thought I'd see the day when Speed Racer, clad in leather, would pistol-whip a bad guy on the big screen with huge martial-arts film snowflakes falling all around.

*weeps with joy*