... but one you've got so many real-life friends that you have to watch what you say, it gets a little dull. And when people who hated you in high school actually
track you down and want to be friends, it gets downright scary. I'll use it to keep in touch with family and that's probably about it.
So enough RL schmutz - time for a movie review!
Movie:"Watchmen"
Rating: C+
As a fan of the original
comic books graphic novel when it first came out (yes, I am OLD!), I would have liked the movie better had it deviated from the comic in certain critical areas, and had it
NOT deviated from the comic in one extremely critical area ...
1. It was the height of creative laziness to copy the screenplay almost verbatim from the comic panels; I have no idea whether the movie even made any sense to anyone who hadn't read the comic, since much of the background information was originally conveyed in extra panels simulating book reviews, newpaper articles, and other little blurbs that didn't port over to the movie (the dialog in some places should have been incomprehensible if you
didn't have that background information).
2. The comic came out in 1986/1987, and was sexist at
that time, let alone now. I mean, please. Can we get the girls some armor too, since they're at least theoretically superheroes as well, instead of parading them around in flimsy latex and S&M fetishist getups? Or come to think of it, since the primary function of Silk Spectres I and II was to satisfy the lusts of whichever Watchman qualified as the Alpha male at any particular point in time, why not leave them in their pinup clothes and their improbable, so-not-battle-ready hairdos. Why the fuck not.
3. And the rape scene was just plain offensive (as it had been in the comic as well). Here we have a superhero, understandably overpowered by a male counterpart and beaten to the point of surrender BUT NOT TO THE POINT OF DEATH. So why, sweet Jesus WHY, once the rest of the Minutemen intervened and beat the crap out of the Comedian, didn't Sally Jupiter turn herself around and put her stiletto heel right through that rapist bastard's eye? Why did she just lie there facedown on the table, gasping, with her ass still stuck out fetchingly, while Hooded Justice took care of her light work for her? The Comedian certainly put up a hell of a fight until Adrian ultimately punched his ticket in the opening scene; so why do we still expect our female heroes to submit until they're rescued? Shit shit shit.
4. And again, as in the comic, the relationship between Dr. Manhattan and Janey Slater was brainlessly, paradoxically sexist. Here we have a quantum universe-inhabiting, hairless, eyeless, emotionless, naked blue electro-freak, who decides that he's too good for his still-human partner after her years of loyal devotion to him because she is, at 38 years of age, "getting older". And he replaces her with a pubescent Laurie Jupiter because he likes the way she puts her tongue in his mouth. Puh-
lease.
5. Speaking of Laurie Jupiter, what a fucktard. The world is about to be annihilated in a giant nuclear fireball of mutually assured destruction, and she's on the Martian surface crying her mascara off because the Naked Blue Electro-freak just told her that the the Comedian is her father. I think that the revelation of her paternity, given the circumstances at that point, should easily have qualified as "Who the fuck cares when we're all about to die" material, but why behave like a hero when you can wallow in your archetypical overemotional femininity, all the while wearing latex? Just saying.
6. And finally, this was supposed to be "Watchmen", not "Independence Day". The original comic ended on a horrifically Machiavellian note, while the movie adaptation conveniently skirted Alan Moore's dark anti-government parable in favor of a kinder, gentler future vision. Bullshit. The power of the comic lay in its pro-anarchy message, which was neutered for a squeamish post-9/11 American audience. But we'll keep all the sexist bits in so we can say we remained true to the comic. Uber-bullshit.
Yes, there were
some good parts. Laurie and Dan kicking ass in the alley, Rorschach kicking ass in prison, and any scene featuring the perfectly-cast Adrian Veidt (except for the fake assassination attempt scene, in which he inexplicably loses his nondescript Western European accent and starts saying "wanna" and "dunno" - why didn't the editors catch that?). But the stupid parts way outnumbered the smart ones, and - hel-LO! - "Hallelujah" is a SAD song and shouldn't have been used as the soundtrack for Laurie and Dan's scrumpfest on the Archimedes. Little dumb oversights like that make me absolutely crazy. Again, just saying.